Lows and Highs

In January, following my Holiday-time visit to the U.S., I had hit the roughest patch that I've been in since I've been to Thailand.  Now, in more recent days, I'm optimistic that I'm getting closer to the point of feeling stabilized... and, maybe even beginning more of a steady increase in feeling situated and happy again on a daily basis. I think I had hit another low because during my visit back home I was reminded of everything that I've lost and that I no longer have here in Thailand, i.e. having a steady group of friends, nearby family, my dog Indy, a steady church to attend and group of church friends, being able to call up close friends regularly, and all of the other familiarities/comforts/conveniences, as well as the other, more materialist things that come along with working at a comfortable job and living in the U.S., i.e. the buying power of getting basically whatever I want whenever I want to get it, having absolute freedom to go where I want to go whenever I decide to go there, along with being able to drive everywhere in my car.  Now that I think about it, these are things that I took for granted while living in the U.S., but they are actually quite a privileged thing to have!  When I went back to the U.S. for the holidays, and got to drive in my car again, I must admit there was a certain sense of power that came back to me.  I had suddenly become aware again of all that I had owned and had control of... and how I have now given up all of these things in order to come to Thailand. Well, I am slowly starting to get some of these things back, i.e. church group and church friends, along with increased familiarity the more I stay here and feeling more at-ease;  as well as experiencing new things that I didn't have in the U.S. I mentioned before the things that I have lost.... now I will list some of the things that I have gained: a much more relaxing, lower-stress work-life balance, getting to teach the most respectful students in the world; living in a predictable, perpetually warm and sunny climate (just wait until the rainy season starts ;), as well as having a gorgeously preserved surrounding environment: with all the plants and greeneries decorated so nicely everywhere. Also, getting to experience all of the Thai holidays and events (Songkran is the next major holiday coming up in another month or so... apparently its a whole week of one big water-baloon party!); getting to meet respectful Thai people everywhere I go; and just having a much more transparent social life, because in Thailand you run into people you know with far greater frequency, and I go out to eat for every single meal (I don't have a kitchen, or ever plan to cook, since street food and restaurants are so cheap here anyways), so I tend to get out a little more often than I did in the U.S., even if its just to grab a dinner or a coffee or tea at one of the hordes of coffee shops that are here in Chiang Mai. Finally, I am hopeful about the future. I think that as I learn more of the Thai language, it will be so much easier to converse with my co-workers, as well as people in my neighborhood.  One of my biggest frustrations of living here has been the language barrier and not being able to understand one another, but the more I learn about the language, the easier going I expect it will be to get by (this would seem obvious of course, but the point is, even if many people are proficient enough in English, they still prefer to use their native language when possible, so it only makes things better/easier for me to learn more about their language as well).  Even my co-workers in the English Department often speak to each other in Thai-- even in board meetings, so it can be easy to feel "left out"... but this has been one of my motivations to continue learning Thai sooner rather than later. Also, I expect to gradually get to know my co-workers, church group, and people in my neighborhood better... so perhaps will make a few legitimate friendships here and there given time.  Finally, I think that I will soon have more time to go back to writing my books and working on my own projects, musical or otherwise.  I have at least as much free time here as I did in the U.S. (if not so much more at times :), so its only a matter of settling down and focusing on getting things done one at a time. So, its time to put aside only 'thinking' about doing things and delaying them to the next day, but to actually just sit down and do them (like Yoda once said, 'Do, or do not- there is no try' :)